Bearing a child is considered to be the very purpose of life, especially by the orthodox and those with a traditional bent of mind. A childless couple performs endless poojas, goes through various treatments, for that bundle of joy which has not yet arrived. They are ready to go to any extent, shell out any amount for the sake of progeny. It is a different matter that if you go and meet those very parents in their old age, they may not have one good thing to say about that child.

People are so obsessed with leaving a part of themselves for posterity that they find it difficult even to consider adoption. Even if they do decide on adopting, they would prefer to take a child from within the family, of the same blood. Instead of spending a fortune on treating infertility and having their own child, wouldn’t it be better to adopt a child from an orphanage, a child without parents , without anybody of his own? By doing this, they would be getting an opportunity to shower love on a child, homeless and unloved and would also receive a child’s love in return.

Adoption however, does give rise to some tricky situations. One major dilemma parents face is whether the fact of adoption should be divulged to the child. The answer of course is yes. Such an important fact about the child should not be hidden from him. Then, a trickier question arises. At what age should the child be informed? The earlier the child is informed, the better. You never know when the child will stumble upon the truth, from nosey neighbours, meddling friends or interfering relatives. So it is better that it is made known to the child in a language he understands like, “You are special. Angels brought you to us,” to a more mature version as the child grows up. If the child gets to know this from outsiders, one never knows how he will react. It may scar him psychologically. If he comes to know about his adoption out of the blue when grown-up, he may reject his adoptive parents and may want to hunt for his birth parents.

Certain rules regarding age have to be followed while adopting. Only a couple or a single female are allowed to adopt. Dance choreographer Sandeep Soparrkar, a single male was an exceptional case. In case of such an exception only a male child can be adopted. The minimum age of the adoptive parents has to be 21 years and for a child aged less than a year, the maximum combined age of the parents is 90 with neither parent older than 45. For every year added to the child to be adopted , the maximum ages of the parents also increases by a year. The age of the child to be adopted cannot be more than 12 years and in no case can the age of the adoptive parent be above 55 years.

Hindus, Jains, Sikhs and Buddhists come under the purview of the Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act, 1956. They are not allowed to adopt more than one child of the same sex. Foreign citizens, NRIs , Muslims, Christians, Parsis and Jews come under the Guardians and Wards Act of 1890, wherein the adoptive parent is only the child’s guardian till he attains the age of 18.

The adoptive agencies are very careful while allowing adoptions. The family background, financial situation and the medical fitness of the parents are considered carefully in the interest of the child. There is court-related paperwork to be completed. It is a long and cumbersome process and may even take about a year.

Remember, the child you have adopted does not have your genes, so the traits he displays will be very different. His strengths and abilities, preferences will not be the same as yours. So do not try to push the child into activities of your liking, rather identify the interests of the child and steer him gently in that direction. There are couples who adopt a child after they have a natural child and in such cases they have to be doubly careful; there are 2 impressionable minds involved, so both the children should be treated with care.

Before adopting, the parents should be sure of accepting the child wholeheartedly. It is the question of a child’s life. So the decision should be taken after sufficient deliberation on the issue. Remember that adoption is an irreversible decision. Once you decide to go ahead, there is no looking back.

Author: Pratibha Shenoy (Bangalore)

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